
By SHELLEY A. SACKETT
In Costa Rica, where it is customary to hand-deliver wedding invitations, most of San Jose’s Jewish community was invited to Karen and Michael Bourne’s 2003 wedding. Over 350 attended.
In Nicaragua, Veronica and Kurt Preiss married three times: first, in a civil ceremony, second in a Jewish ceremony not recognized by religious law, and third in conjunction with a conversion organized by Kulanu (“all of us” in Hebrew), an organization that supports isolated, returning and emerging Jewish communities all over the world.
Diana and Lev Pershtein-Lapkis were married by a reform rabbi in Latvia because traditional Orthodox and Conservative branches of Judaism don’t consider her to be Jewish. Hédi and Michael Fried survived Auschwitz and, despite all odds and an 18-year age difference, married in 1947 in Sweden.
And in Egypt, Esther and Léon Abécassis, the Chief Rabbi of Alexandria and their witnesses had to sign a “single status affidavit” (proof of celibacy) before their wedding at the Great Synagogue of Alexandria in 1934.
These are but five of the 100 stories in local co-editors Barbara Vinick’s and Shulamit Reinharz’s “100 Jewish Brides: Stories from Around the World.” Released on Feb. 6, the book features the first-hand stories of Jewish weddings from six continents that span almost a century.
Written by brides, their relatives, clergy and friends, this collection of personal stories from around the world offers readers a peek through the keyhole at the surprising variety of ways in which the Jewish wedding process can unfold, from the first meeting to the wedding ceremony and beyond.
“100 Brides” is the third cultural project celebrating Jewish womanhood that Vinick and Reinharz have co-edited. “Esther’s Legacy: Celebrating Purim around the World” (2002) examined how Queen Esther’s courage in saving the Jews is observed in different communities. “I Am a Woman: Stories of Bat Mitzvah around the World” (2012) looked at the wide range of ways in which a Jewish girl’s coming of age is marked.
With “100 Brides,” the co-editors turned their attention to Jewish weddings from the bride’s point of view in an effort to learn about how Jewish life was and is actually lived throughout the world. What they discovered was that although Jewish weddings may differ in detail depending on the era and international community, they share many commonalities too.
They found that some features of Jewish weddings – the ketubah (Jewish marriage contract), chuppah (wedding canopy), wine, rings and breaking of the glass – are almost universal. Others, such as a henna ceremony where groups of women apply temporary tattoos on the bride, are unique to Mizrahi (Sephardic Jews from the Middle East and North Africa), Indian and Pakistani weddings.
“Every religious community develops a culture over time,” Reinharz told the Journal. Even though Judaism has central texts which define “this is the way we do things,” everything has changed in the modern era where individualism prevails and the bride and her partner can decide how they want to structure their ceremony.
As a longtime board member and the current secretary of Kulanu, Vinick has had access to and knowledge about many far-flung and little known communities. She was part of the Kulanu group that traveled to Madagascar with a bet din (rabbinic court of three rabbis) to convert more than 100 people to Judaism. There, she attended the post-conversion remarriages of 12 couples, including Ahava, one of the brides whose story is in the book.
As engaging as these short narratives from different countries are, the last chapters give the book more heft, delving into the meatier, more macro- issues of arranged and forced marriages, intermarriage and interethnic Jewish marriage, and contemporary marriage issues in Israel. “One of my passions in life is using a sociological framework to understand things better,” Reinharz explained. “The Israel stories in particular are very important.”
She hopes readers will realize that there are alternatives to what they assume a Jewish wedding should look like. In America, for example, a particular emphasis has evolved to give the bride as much of a voice as the groom. “If I had had this book when I got married in 1967, I would have added all sorts of things that were not available at the time,” she said.
Reinharz and Vinick, who both have doctorates in sociology, have been friends for decades. In 1997, Reinharz founded the Hadassah-Brandeis Institute (HBI), a research center whose purpose is to develop new ideas about Jews and gender worldwide. Her HBI and Vinick’s Kulanu connections created a large network of Jewish scholars, rabbis and activists from across the globe for the co-editors to plumb.
Both acknowledge that their biggest challenge was not accumulating stories, but rather figuring out how to organize them into a coherent narrative. They toyed with the ideas of time-period or geography, but ultimately settled on the stages of marriages.
Vinick hopes the book might inspire readers to write the story of their own wedding. “These are really mini autobiographies and biographies,” she said. “A marriage is a good place to start.” Θ
Reinharz and Vinick will speak about “100 Jewish Brides: Stories from Around the World” at Congregation Shirat Hayam on Saturday, March 2 at 10 a.m.











